and it was all just a dream.

i need to be out of my apartment by july 31st and have everything back to the way it was when I started my lease.

i still have to pay august and september rent. $1400 totally wasted but after that i am free from everything.

i just want to cry!

i am going to miss it. i truly am. i am going to miss almost everything.

the shit cabinet work and cheap flooring. the overall layout and all the space compared to my old bedroom. the no rules and the idgaf atmosphere. the morning doves that visit me at the windows each and every morning. that gorgeous tree right out front. the sound of children laughing and that annoying ass ice cream truck. the hilarious and absolutely wonderful retired couple downstairs who have had my back since day oneā€¦

seriously, i will miss so, so much!

congratulations, neighbors across the hall. you come in a month ago and manage to ruin everything i have worked really hard for in one single day. honestly, i gave no fucks that you all were total potheads. but once you bring half the police department in for an unknown felony that involved lots of blood… yeah, not so thrilled.

i wasn’t the snitch that lead the raid to you but i can’t have you thinking it was me. i really don’t want to be threatened, raped or murdered. so, you win! i hope the one of you does go to jail or prison for a good long while. to the other, i hope your life gets fucked. i hate wishing harm or bad things on people but fuck you guys!
foggy future

i am in a total fog currently.

i didn’t sleep well and miss my home. not my parent’s home because that’s where i’m staying. i miss my little apartment with all my bizarre belongings.

it was early in the morning when i had this strange and sad out of body experience.

i think it was almost four o’clock. i cannot truly remember now. it was dark still but the day was coming.

i seemed to float above my childhood room, watching myself trying to sleep. my body was curled up in a ball with my cat right beside me. both of us were scared and didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. all we knew is that we did not want to be there. we simply wanted to go home.

the whole thing was sad.

i hate confrontation. and the mess i’m in has no easy solution. i have options but everything will take time.

i want things to go back to normal.

this happened at an inconvenient time for me. i go on vacation next week and start my motorcycle safety class.

i don’t have time for this shit!

i still don’t know exactly what happened that caused yesterday’s raid. the only big event that happened was across the street was a shooting. a drug dealer was murdered which opened pandora’s box.

i need closure, i think.

i need to know if my junkie neighbors are murders or dealers or whatever.

i need things to get resolved,

if they evict these fucking assholes, i can stay at my apartment. if they get to stay, i have to relocate to break my lease which management will work out a deal for me because of this incident.

i’m back at work through next tuesday. trying to juggle everything will be task but i hope this gets resolved soon.

i was stressed before because of my job. this new stuff is making me insane!

fuck people!

due to some sudden and extreme circumstances… i will most likely have to move back home with my parents.

i have been living on my own since february and have absolutely loved it. it hasn’t always been a breeze and money has been very tight but i have no regrets about anything.

my druggie neighbors who moved in about a month ago have ruined everything for me.

the police raided their apartment early this morning. what i though was a simple drug bust turned out to be something much more serious.

some felony was committed and lots of blood was involved. one guy who was hiding in the apartment was arrested and taken away. the other guy is a free man and still currently in the apartment.

oh yeah, they live right across the hall!

you know, just a few fucking feet from me and we’re the only two tenants on our floor which is very unsettling.

my parents packed up a bag for me and i am staying with them for the week.

if these guys aren’t thrown out or willing leave, i must relocate.

i can’t afford a lot and a studio apartment can’t he half my furniture which i just purchased back in february!

i am most likely moving back in with my parents until i can regroup.

i am fucking pissed off!

anytime something good happens, shit hits the fan. i swear, god hates me!

i am fucking furious!

i work my ass off at a job that pays shit, has shit hours, takes all kinds of advantage of me. a job i loathe!

i worked hard, saved up my money, got my motorcycle, moved out and finished paying my car off.

all seemed to be going well besides my job situation and then these stupid, fucking potheads come along and do some serious fucked up shit and force me out even though i did nothing!

i am tired of this!

i really needs things to simply improve and fucking stay that way.

(happiness is too much to ask for)